My Dislike of Spring

First of all, allergies.

Second, I hate tulips. Sue me, Alice.

Third, in Utah we don't really get Spring. We get more of a "is it summer....? Dare I get out my shorts? Sandals? Oh wait...no, here's another foot of snow....which will disappear by morning!"

Fourth, literally everyone is in love and not afraid to show it. I don't necessarily hate people in love, I just dislike this season at BYU when they're all outside roaming the campus like they own the place.

Fifth, I don't have an excuse to stay inside all day.

And last, but not least, it's not summer and there's still school.

When Writing: Land

Land:

January, 23rd 

I can feel it. 

Our soles are thick, 

But the beating heart is pounding.

I can hear it.

Her cool breath,

Seeps its way into my bones,

Leaving her stained kiss 

Upon my cheeks. 

Maternal love.

Through my veins, 

Runs a surge of belonging. 

The earth, 

Her body, 

The silence of the wood,

Reconnecting us.  

Softening our callused hearts.

Our souls are thick, 

But I can feel it. 

La nouvelle année

   It's a new year, folks. I'd like to start it off agreeing with my friend Neil Gaiman. 

"I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, tryig new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing  your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're doing something. So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make new mistakes, make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is; art, or love, or work or family or life. Whatever it is you're scared of doing, 

DO IT. 

Make your mistakes, next year and forever." 

        I've spent my whole life making New Year's Resolutions hoping to prevent mistakes. Mistakes are my worst fear. Really though, the worst. I'm that kid that won't do something because I might not be perfect at it or it won't go as perfectly planned as I had hoped. This is unfortunate and mostly results in me being unhappy with where I am in life because I won't just go do what I want to do. 

       

       Come on, Marina. You own enough Nike apparel, and have read 1 Nephi 3:7 enough times to be motivated about this. 

       But on the reals, it's been called to my attention that I am horrendous on follow through. I've got my shot all lined up, knees bent, ball in hands, eye on the prize, but I just can't let go of the ball. If I let go, who knows what's going to happen? I can't come to terms with the possibility of failure. I figure, if I don't let go of the ball, I will never miss the shot. What I'm learning is that if I DO let go, there's not only the possibility that I will make it, and have thousands of screaming fans rush the floor, but there's also the possibility that I'll miss, but have a failure to tuck into my experience file. My pocket of learning. A Batman utility belt for life. 

       I need to learn that failures can be just as rewarding as successes. 

      The fear of risk and failure is not entirely illogical. I think the basis of our progression in life is built off the recognition and the dedication to overcoming these fears. I have a theory that joy in life can be attributed mainly to us doing remarkable things, remarkable in this case referring to any amount of progression. Progression can be anything from learning a language, to mastering the art of Kung Fu, to watching others progress, and using that as motivation to progress yourself. At work, at school, at play. In all times, in all things, and in all places. Progress. The noun and the verb.

     But don't get crazy.

     Challenging yourself is one thing. Spreading yourself too thin just makes for not enough honey on every bite. And that's not fun, or delicious. Which is what life should be. Expand and reach, but don't 18th century style torture yourself.

     Mosiah 4: "And see that all things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." 

       My train of though just jumped off that band wagon, but anyways, New Years. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Failures can be good. Utility belts are awesome. Batman is awesome.

D&C 100:12 "Therefore, continue your journey and let your hearts rejoice, for behold, and lo, I am with you even until the end." 

Best regards, 

M

On Demand

     Concerning percentages, I've found that a plethora of my time spent as a university student is comprised of attending school, studying for classes, working, and Netflix. As I'm sure is the case with many of my fellow comrades, we take part in the battle with On Demand resources every day. There is much to be said about these assets, both in and out of favor. Their unmeasurable convenience, portable capability and entertainment value are off the charts. However, these attributes also make them ridiculously distracting. After a hard day's work, one sometimes feels deserving of an episode of How I Met Your Mother which can conveniently be watched alongside a math assignment, or one of the odd assortment of 20th century David Bowie films while reading Milton, but at one point, one must face the inevitable truth that the simultaneous attempt of homework is futile. 

    I would categorize these new resources under the label, "potential threats." Not unlike a bar of good Swiss chocolate or Benedict Cumberbatch's face, they all succumb to the saying, "too much of anything can take a wrong turn," with chocolate launching one into a state of a diabetic coma, Benedict's chiseled cheekbones slicing through one's rational function of thought, and Netflix hurling a stick of dynamite at your "A" in Critical Theory 101. 

    In moderation, however, these "potential threats" become valuable resources. Often, have I been enlightened on subjects that concern my field of work while watching one of the many available documentaries uploaded to Netflix, or, perhaps, culturally immersed in a foreign film. There is no denying that this "age of potential threats" carries with it benefits to the student, however, like Swiss chocolate, it must be in moderation, as to avoid an educational sugar coma, which, I will assure you, results in nothing but minimal sleep, tears, and an odd desire to drop out of school to become an unemployed street performer. 

When Writing

Future furrows his brow,       his feigned surroundings

Harboring those who wish to live,   within his frail walls, 

Reality relinquishing those     who resided in his company. 

The given-gift             and the fate-finder

Competing for casualties     within their realms. 

For those who perish in reality,    live eternal

But those who sever,       Clotho's thread

Within the sphere,     of endless tomorrows

Find fate to be,  a cruel master

The day of repentance,    lying in wait 

In an empire of days,    yet to come

 
  

When writing in the style of Anglo-Saxons for your literature class.  

When Running

The weather report for Saturday: 

      Cloudy, with 40% chance of snow. 

My plans? 

       RUN.

What a perfect time to reunite with our old friends Michael Buble and J. Bieber, their Christmas albums, and  this beautiful earth. 

It was one of those days where you wake up, all the roommates are asleep, it's snowing outside, and you can't wait to break out the new running jacket. There are times where it's completely appropriate to want nothing but a snowy day, a blanket, creamy hot chocolate, croissants, and some T.S. Eliot at 8:00 AM on a Saturday, and then there are times where you want nothing but red cheeks, soaked shoes, and the road beneath your feet. 

I couldn't believe how happy I was. It had been a rough couple of weeks, and I hadn't expected 30 degrees and heavy snow to turn that around. I stood outside my door as giddy as Hermione in a bookstore with galleons in her pocket. 

I don't think I've ever ran a faster first mile. 

When people ask if I'm training for anything, I usually say no. And that's just because it takes to long to explain that I'm training to become myself. If I said that, they would look at me funny and punch me in the arm and say, "no, but really though." 

When I run, I figured out that I'm not running to "get fit.". If I was trying for that, I would have to stop eating all the sweets that I do, heaven forbid. Health for the soul. That's what I'm shooting for. (Chocolate cake being a major part of that plan)

But running helps me to sequester (woah. that was a tricky word) myself from the world, and not worry about the general populous. Which, unfortunately, is a big issue for me. When I'm out running, all I focus on is getting where I need to go, and getting there preferably in one piece. It helps me recognize all that I'm blessed with, and how awesome human beans are. 

To push myself to the best of my abilities is something that I love. Unfortunately, in other aspects of my life, when I'm challenged to do my best, I get butterflies in my stomach, and can't do it. I play along, laugh, crack a good joke, sometimes crack a not-too-good joke, and doubt myself, because I"m afraid everyone's better than I am at everything. Which, granted, is often true. But sometimes, it isn't, and I need to own up to what I've been blessed with. 

Running is what takes me away from all of that social pressure, and helps me see what I can really do, which, though not much, is amazing. And then, we think about using our amazing-ness to make this world a better place. (Cliche overreaching theme time) There is a whole lot of amazing here, I think that we each just have a different way of distributing it. Life is about discovering how YOU best distribute your amazing human bean-ness.  

Here's an inspirational quote for the day: 

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." --T.S. Eliot

Anyways. There's a few of my thoughts about running. 

Collage

Yup. College. It's for reals.

     I never thought that one day I would be goin' to school when I was 18. I thought that I would be colonizing Mars, or living in southern France, both of which would be ridiculously awesome. However, I'm kinda glad that I'm here. At school, that is. I've learned some things, I guess.

1. Bananas grow on trees.

2. Hawaii is off the west coast....not by Florida.

3. Chocolate cake is always acceptable.

4. Some people (me) don't wanna grow up.

5. Who studies in the library?

6. Don't live a mile.5 away from campus.

7. Bring your guitar to school. It's a good distraction from the unnecessary.

8. Facebook.

9. Don't be OCD, cause then if you can't think of 10 things to put on "things you've learned list" it drives you crazy and you put something stupid like,

10. I love selective members of One Direction.

     So ya, I learned some stuff. But one of probably the biggest things I've learned is probably that it's all gonna work out. Life's a collage of bad stuff and good stuff and boring stuff and sometimes all that is confusing, but at one point, you're gonna be like, Hey. This is gonna be good. It's fine. It'll all work out.
                                            So give someone a hug, smile, and be weird, cause that's
                                                              what people are made for.